I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
