one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
