just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
