So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
