Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
