I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
