party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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