I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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