she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize