How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
