Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
