dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
