Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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