I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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