Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
