Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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