My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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