You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
