He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
