If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize