you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
