yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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