dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just cropdusted the office
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
