Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
