walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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