I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
