I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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