Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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