i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
