I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
