Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
