just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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