my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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