Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
