Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
