...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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