Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
