i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
