Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
