I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
