office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
