This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
