I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have tasted many bathrooms
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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