The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
