He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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