She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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