It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
