New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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