maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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