We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
