I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
