After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
tell me about the fingering
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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