did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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