That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
