No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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