I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
