Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
