We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
