it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
