I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
