I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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