Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
