Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
