Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
