areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
