do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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