he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
