the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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