My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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