My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
