If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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