at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize