im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sober January is a disaster.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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