The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
